Confessions of a Beginner Cosplayer

Ever since my first Supanova (Gold Coast, 2012) I've been obsessed with cosplay. I bought a Babydoll costume from eBay and waited anxiously for it to arrive in the post. I remember trying it on and being horrified because I felt too fat to be wearing such a revealing costume. I'd seen pictures of good female cosplayers and they all seemed to have one thing in common: they were petit and pretty. I'd also seen pictures of cosplayers who were less than perfect, and the horrible comments that people made about them. How could I possibly wear my Babydoll costume out in public?

Eventually my partner convinced me to wear the costume, but I insisted on wearing a white singlet instead of revealing my bare stomach. I'm not obese, but I certainly don't have Emily Browning's abs. I remember looking in the mirror and feeling like a superhero (at least, briefly). It's a feeling that I assume every cosplayer gets, and it's addictive.

Digital painting by artist Ally Faye. My partner had this commissioned as a gift, so I would feel proud of my first cosplay. I left my glasses on to make it more personalised.

While I waited in line, I watched as hundreds of fellow cosplayers arrived. The myriad of fandoms being represented was overwhelming and for the first time in my life, I felt like I was surrounded by like-minded people who would accept me for who I was. Sadly, this feeling quickly subsided, as I became aware of the talent around me. I had a store-bought costume that I didn't even feel that attractive in, while others were wearing amazing outfits that they had sewn and constructed themselves.

As far as the convention was concerned, I had an amazing time. I went to seminars, got signatures and had my photo taken with some of my favourite celebrities. Being called "Blondie" by Cliff Simon was a highlight (though I feel the irony was lost on him). However, as fun as it was, I felt bad that I wasn't getting much attention for my costume. I constantly saw other people being stopped for photos and I started to wonder, "Is this the measure of a good Cosplay?" Surely if you've done a good job, people will pay attention to you, right?

Now, if you're still reading this, you're probably thinking I'm a bit conceited, but if you are a fellow cosplayer, can you honestly say that the attention doesn't make you feel special? And so it should. You're putting yourself (and your art) out there for people to admire. Like anything we create as human beings, we want recognition, a pat on the back, a compliment. My biggest problem has been finding a balance between the need for validation and simply enjoying cosplay because it's fun.

I've created this blog so that I can be honest with myself, and anyone who takes the time to read it. I'm still a beginner in the world of cosplay, and I want a place where I can document my journey - successes and failures alike. I also want a place that other cosplayers can visit and feel at home. Underneath all the make up, latex and armour, we're human beings. Beginner or professional, at the end of the day all that matters is that we're paying homage to our fandoms. And having fun.