Although I am quite comfortable talking openly about my mental illness, I know there are plenty of people out there who still find it difficult to bring up, even with their own friends. When I first approached Tim to be a Featured Cosplayer, I knew I wanted to address the issue of mental illness because he, like me, has found creating costumes to be a wonderful outlet. Tim has been very brave in allowing me to write about his personal experiences. I hope that anyone reading this who may also be suffering knows that there is help available (in whichever part of the world you currently reside), and that it is perfectly okay to ask, no matter how small you feel your problems are.
I wasn't sure how to approach the issue, because I've never been the invasive type. I studied journalism at university, and although I graduated with good grades, I knew I was never going to enter the industry. I didn't (and still don't) have the balls to ask the hard hitting questions, because I had too much empathy. Talking about an issue as close to home as depression, I knew I had to be careful. I asked Tim if he wanted to have a casual conversation on Facebook, and he agreed.
Over the last few days, he's explained a lot about how Facebook has helped him to overcome some of the darker issues that have affected him. Although he feels that his depression, anxiety and aspergers are all under control, the last three years have been a challenge.
"I'm on top of things now, but four years ago I got really mad," he says.
"It's a bit of a blur, but I was trying to repair my relationship with my ex and something went wrong. I was in a blind rage, but a friend managed to pull me off the street and calm me down."
It's not a pretty image, but being able to talk about it is admirable. Mental illness makes us do things that we regret. It's easy to 'look the other way' or even laugh at someone who may be experiencing an anxiety attack or similar. It can be uncomfortable, even for people who are familiar with it. Remember that what you are dealing with is not the person's choice, they are ill. And for the most part, they do not intent to be difficult or hurtful. I've said some horrible things to my partner during periods of severe depression. I don't mean them, and I do my best to apologise when I'm feeling better. But that doesn't change the fact that I said them. I truly respect the loved ones of people with mental illness.
Tim first took a liking to cosplay six years ago. Although he finds it somewhat difficult to make friends, cosplay has helped him to overcome the fear of attending heavily crowded events.
"I can now attend events on my own and be happy and proud of what I do. I can create things and feel a sense of accomplishment," he says.
"I am learning to make my own props and costumes without relying on other people to help me."
Often those who suffer from depression and anxiety begin to feel helpless. It's almost as though you forget how to do everyday things, like make a phone call or order a coffee. I find it very difficult to answer people when they say "good morning" or ask how I am. I get confused because I know that I am feeling sick and tired and sad, but I also know that they don't want to hear that, so I find myself timidly replying that I'm "good" and ducking away quickly before more questions are asked.
At times during my discussion with Tim, I believe he found it difficult to answer my questions. I prompted where I could, but I was always wary of pushing too hard. I began to feel like my loved ones must feel when they are trying to talk to me - somewhere between concern and frustration. I've known Tim for three years, so I know what he's been through, but it's not my place to tell his story. So I let the conversation continue.
The first time I met him in person, Tim was dressed as Hank from Madness, a character that he considers one of his favourites.
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"I won't be wearing it for a while due to the poor paint job I did for Goldnova. I need to give it a clean up."
Tim's most successful cosplay to date has been one of the most iconic game characters of all time, everyone's favourite jumping plumber, Mario.
"I decided on Mario as he is well known, but it wasn't easy finding an accurate red shirt, or even a white shirt to dye."
While it's certainly easier to work alone, most cosplayers attempt a group project every now and then. It's a great way to make friends, and it means that each person brings different talents to the table.
In 2011, Tim was one of two Heavy cosplayers who were part of a Team Fortress 2 group (the other was one of my future Featured Cosplayers, Thoroly-Good Cosplay).
"My friend Myles told me he was getting a group together, and I was playing the game at the time. It was fun, as it was the first time I went all out and shaved my head."
He was also part of a Dangan Ronpa group last year.
Looking at photos of Tim in cosplay, you can see how much he enjoys it. In the three years that I've known him, I've watched him come out of his shell and become an amazing cosplayer. He is inventive and resourceful, and even when things look like they're not going his way, he manages to pick himself up and try a different approach. He's also been there for me when I've been awake in the early hours of the morning, worrying about how my latest article isn't good enough, or that my cosplay won't be done in time.
Tim isn't the only cosplayer I know who suffers from mental illness, but I chose to feature him because I think he needs to see how good he is at what he does. I honestly hope this article has shown him that.
I asked him if he had any advice for other people in his position.
"Never give up, no matter how hard times get."
I couldn't agree more.
