Dealing With Post Con Grief

If you attended high school in Australia, then you probably learned about the five stages of grief, particularly the Kubler-Ross Model. Traditionally, the five stages are Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. I've noticed a definite pattern in myself and others when a convention inevitably comes to a close and we have to return to our everyday lives. It doesn't quite follow the traditional model, so I've decided to write about what I call 'The Five Stages of Con Grief'.

Exhaustion:

Depending on the length of the convention, exhaustion hits people at different times. Most cons take place over two or three days, so I find I become exhausted towards the end of the final day - before the convention has even ended. At PAX, I spent the final hours of the con sitting at my friend's art booth and contemplating the long walk to the closing ceremony. Listening to the smooth sounds of William Shatner at the final Oz Comic Con panel, I found myself wishing for a pillow and blanket so I could curl up and go to sleep.

My advice is to stick it out. You may be tempted to go home early or run off in search of more nutritious food, but you're better off finding a nice patch of floor (preferably next to a wall) and letting your body slump against it for a while. I've left cons early in the past, and I always end up regretting it. You never know what you might miss. And let's face it, you want your money's worth.

Relief:

Taking off your wig and giving your scalp a much needed scratch; ripping out your contact lenses and giving sweet, sweet oxygen to your eyeballs; or that first trickle of steaming hot water from the shower as you scrub off your make up - these are some of the most amazing feelings you experience as a cosplayer. It can be tempting to dump everything on the floor and collapse onto the nearest soft object, and that's normally what I do. However, I suggest taking the time to clean things up a little, especially wigs and contact lenses. If you're so exhausted that you can't keep your eyes open, at least lay things out neatly in a place you can come back to later. Often I will throw my stuff anywhere and it ends up staying there for months and months until I suddenly decide I REALLY NEED THAT SKIRT and I have no idea where to find it.

Euphoria:

So, you're clean, fed and finally able to sit down and unpack your convention haul. You're probably still buzzing from all the excitement as you recount the events of the previous few days. Depending on how good your convention experience was, you may be on a high for a while. Photos will start to appear on social media, and you'll relive some of the most exciting moments of the con.

Depression:

The more conventions I attend, the easier it becomes to deal with the post-event depression. However, it can hit people pretty hard. Returning to work after an amazing weekend of cosplay, celebrities and geeky merchandise can seem like the worst thing in the world. Before I decided to take some much needed sick leave, I was working in accounting. There is no creativity in accounting, and the idea of sitting down to enter figures into a spreadsheet, after spending the weekend with like-minded, artistic people, was horrible.

When I came home from PAX Aus last year, I was in tears. It was the best convention I had ever been to, and I didn't want to leave the cultural hub that is Melbourne. I jumped on my computer and booked tickets to Armageddon. I probably shouldn't have. I didn't have the money, and I put everything on my credit card. But, having another convention to look forward to made it easier to deal with the loss of PAX.

Providing you plan in advance, there is nothing wrong with attending several cons a year. Working on new cosplays is another way to keep your mind busy. Just don't bankrupt yourself.

Acceptance:

Once you get back into your routine, the post-con depression will ease up. If your job isn't particularly exciting, try having a creative endeavour to go home to every night. Not a cosplayer? That doesn't matter. You could always help design and build costumes for other people. Learn to paint or draw. Read a book or play a video game. Be like me and start a blog.

Being able to write about cosplay gets me through the boring times. I would love nothing more than to be able to create costumes and attend conventions all year, but until that dream comes true, I have to live in the real world. I've taken up blogging because writing is one of my strongest skills. Find yours, and it will get you through the boring times too.

Featured Cosplayer: Timothy McAuliffe

Although I am quite comfortable talking openly about my mental illness, I know there are plenty of people out there who still find it difficult to bring up, even with their own friends. When I first approached Tim to be a Featured Cosplayer, I knew I wanted to address the issue of mental illness because he, like me, has found creating costumes to be a wonderful outlet. Tim has been very brave in allowing me to write about his personal experiences. I hope that anyone reading this who may also be suffering knows that there is help available (in whichever part of the world you currently reside), and that it is perfectly okay to ask, no matter how small you feel your problems are.



I wasn't sure how to approach the issue, because I've never been the invasive type. I studied journalism at university, and although I graduated with good grades, I knew I was never going to enter the industry. I didn't (and still don't) have the balls to ask the hard hitting questions, because I had too much empathy. Talking about an issue as close to home as depression, I knew I had to be careful. I asked Tim if he wanted to have a casual conversation on Facebook, and he agreed.

Over the last few days, he's explained a lot about how Facebook has helped him to overcome some of the darker issues that have affected him. Although he feels that his depression, anxiety and aspergers are all under control, the last three years have been a challenge.

"I'm on top of things now, but four years ago I got really mad," he says.

"It's a bit of a blur, but I was trying to repair my relationship with my ex and something went wrong. I was in a blind rage, but a friend managed to pull me off the street and calm me down."

It's not a pretty image, but being able to talk about it is admirable. Mental illness makes us do things that we regret. It's easy to 'look the other way' or even laugh at someone who may be experiencing an anxiety attack or similar. It can be uncomfortable, even for people who are familiar with it. Remember that what you are dealing with is not the person's choice, they are ill. And for the most part, they do not intent to be difficult or hurtful. I've said some horrible things to my partner during periods of severe depression. I don't mean them, and I do my best to apologise when I'm feeling better. But that doesn't change the fact that I said them. I truly respect the loved ones of people with mental illness.

Tim first took a liking to cosplay six years ago. Although he finds it somewhat difficult to make friends, cosplay has helped him to overcome the fear of attending heavily crowded events.

"I can now attend events on my own and be happy and proud of what I do. I can create things and feel a sense of accomplishment," he says.

"I am learning to make my own props and costumes without relying on other people to help me."

Often those who suffer from depression and anxiety begin to feel helpless. It's almost as though you forget how to do everyday things, like make a phone call or order a coffee. I find it very difficult to answer people when they say "good morning" or ask how I am. I get confused because I know that I am feeling sick and tired and sad, but I also know that they don't want to hear that, so I find myself timidly replying that I'm "good" and ducking away quickly before more questions are asked.

At times during my discussion with Tim, I believe he found it difficult to answer my questions. I prompted where I could, but I was always wary of pushing too hard. I began to feel like my loved ones must feel when they are trying to talk to me - somewhere between concern and frustration. I've known Tim for three years, so I know what he's been through, but it's not my place to tell his story. So I let the conversation continue.

The first time I met him in person, Tim was dressed as Hank from Madness, a character that he considers one of his favourites.

"It was the first time I got to wear military gear and a helmet. It went through a lot of planning and it was going to be stone and latex, but I'm glad I went with fibreglass and spray putty."

"I won't be wearing it for a while due to the poor paint job I did for Goldnova. I need to give it a clean up."

Tim's most successful cosplay to date has been one of the most iconic game characters of all time, everyone's favourite jumping plumber, Mario.

"I decided on Mario as he is well known, but it wasn't easy finding an accurate red shirt, or even a white shirt to dye."

While it's certainly easier to work alone, most cosplayers attempt a group project every now and then. It's a great way to make friends, and it means that each person brings different talents to the table.

In 2011, Tim was one of two Heavy cosplayers who were part of a Team Fortress 2 group (the other was one of my future Featured Cosplayers, Thoroly-Good Cosplay).

"My friend Myles told me he was getting a group together, and I was playing the game at the time. It was fun, as it was the first time I went all out and shaved my head."

He was also part of a Dangan Ronpa group last year.

Looking at photos of Tim in cosplay, you can see how much he enjoys it. In the three years that I've known him, I've watched him come out of his shell and become an amazing cosplayer. He is inventive and resourceful, and even when things look like they're not going his way, he manages to pick himself up and try a different approach. He's also been there for me when I've been awake in the early hours of the morning, worrying about how my latest article isn't good enough, or that my cosplay won't be done in time.

Tim isn't the only cosplayer I know who suffers from mental illness, but I chose to feature him because I think he needs to see how good he is at what he does. I honestly hope this article has shown him that.

I asked him if he had any advice for other people in his position.

"Never give up, no matter how hard times get."

I couldn't agree more.

Staying Motivated

The closer we get to Oz Comic Con, the more excited I should be, right? Well, I am excited for the event, but at the same time, I'm incredibly frustrated with my costume. It's definitely the most advanced thing I've ever made, and I've had to learn so many new techniques that I feel like I'm back at school. After a week of setbacks, most of which related to my illnesses, I've decided to write a short guide to staying motivated. Most of these tips should be second nature, but it's amazing what our brains are capable of forgetting under pressure.

1. Have a Cosplay Partner: I'm lucky enough to be able to work with my fiance on costumes, which I'm incredibly grateful for. Although Andrew doesn't usually end up wearing anything, he plays a big part in the preparation and creative process. I'm very good at visualising what I want and how I want to go about it, but sometimes it's difficult for me to begin a project because I'm not confident in myself. Andrew usually gets the ball rolling and we work on different pieces based on our strengths.When one of us is feeling down and unmotivated, there is someone there to boost morale. If you dislike working with others, or you just don't have anyone that you trust enough to work with, have someone on hand that you can at least vent your frustrations to. Everyone ends up doing last minute repairs and trips to the hardware store, so we may as well laugh about it together.
2. Have a Plan: I'm big on planning and making lists, especially for big cosplay projects. As soon as you have a character in mind, and you've figured out when you would like to cosplay, I recommend working backwards from ONE WEEK PRIOR TO THE EVENT. Now, technically according to that logic, I should be finished my Goa'uld costume by Friday. At the rate I'm going, I'm thinking Tuesday might be more realistic. The one week buffer should be for minor adjustments, make up tests, even photo shoots so you can practice posing. Unless you're an expert seamstress/prop maker, one week is not enough time to perfect a costume.
3. Learn New Techniques First: The reason I suggest this early on is that the closer you get to your chosen event, the more efficiently you're going to have to work. We'd all like to be able to plan for every eventuality but it's just not possible. The more rushed you are, the more likely you'll be to cut corners. It's also easier to absorb information when you're feeling fresh and relaxed. And don't count failed attempts as wasted time. As long as you learned something, then your time was well spent.
4. Complete Tedious Tasks Early: If there's anything that requires a lot of attention or is quite repetitive, I recommend completing these tasks early. I also recommend having a quiet work space away from distractions like Facebook and TV. If something is particularly boring, your mind will begin to wander and you'll make a mistake. Be sure to get a good night's sleep and have a decent breakfast too.
5. Strike While You're Motivated: If you're on a roll and you've finished everything on your To Do List for the day, see if there's anything on the next day's list that you feel up to completing. You'll thank yourself when you hit a slump day later on.
6. Don't Punish Yourself: If you don't get everything done by your deadline, or if your costume isn't one hundred per cent what you'd like it to be, don't be too hard on yourself. Cosplay is about having fun and there's no rule against revisiting a costume in the future. I'm definitely going to revisit my Goa'uld costume. Not only would I like to make the bodice, but I'd also like to try some new techniques to make another Ribbon Device.

I'm really looking forward to hanging out with people at Oz Comic Con. I've decided to bring my tripod and microphone so I can do some on-screen interviews while I'm there. I'd love to hear about your costumes, so come and find me. :)

Featured Cosplayer: CB Studios Cosplay

If you've ever run into my next Featured Cosplayer at a convention, you would be forgiven for thinking that he'd just stepped off a film set. Known on Facebook as CB Studios Cosplay, Curt is somewhat of a guru to myself and many others. When I first met him, I just thought he was a cool, tattooed metal-head. I didn't realise that sitting in front of me was an incredible artist.

After seeing a few of his projects on Facebook, I decided to ask Curt for some advice on building a Silent Hill Nurse costume. I don't know if I should thank him or hit him over the head for introducing me to Barnes. My wallet would certainly be a lot fuller if I never got into cosplay, but then I wouldn't have such an amazing creative outlet. In all seriousness, it's because of people like Curt that cosplay is such a fun hobby. It's touching when a person you hardly know is willing to share their knowledge with you, simply because they love their craft.

Curt as Evil Ash (Army of Darkness)
Photo: Ryan Williams

When you look at the standard of Curt's costumes, it's hard to believe he's only twenty-five. As an avid Star Wars fan, it was the Dark Lord of the Sith, Darth Vader, that inspired him to get into cosplay.

"I'd watched the original Star Wars trilogy and I wanted to be Darth Vader. It took five years to finish, but that was the start of one hell of an expensive hobby," Curt says.

Twelve years after he decided to give in to the Dark Side, Curt has become known for his screen-accurate creations, including his most popular cosplay, Captain Jack Sparrow (Pirates of the Caribbean).

"I've spent an obscene amount upgrading and tweaking every individual part of my costume, and it always gets an amazing crowd reaction," he says.

Curt as Captain Jack Sparrow
Rebecca Burton Photography

"My current favourite cosplay is my Mr. Lordi. I've made several versions over the years and I love dressing up as him. It's hot and uncomfortable, but it's a massive rush to 'become' one of my idols."

Curt as Mr. Lordi
Photo: Elissa East

Hot and uncomfortable are feelings that most cosplayers can relate to. I'm guilty of what I like to call 'con rage' - wanting to punch everyone around you because you just can't deal with anymore body heat. It's sad, but it can make certain costumes less enjoyable.

"My least favourite costume would have to be my Batman," Curt says.

"I love my suit, I put a hell of a lot of work into custom sculpting the body armour and making almost every part of it. It looks amazing, but it's shit to be inside it."

Curt as Batman
Photo: Daniel Hutton

When you first decide to take the plunge and enter the world of cosplay, it can be incredibly daunting and somewhat confusing. I've often found myself wondering where to start, especially before I'd had the chance to play with casting materials and a proper sewing machine.

"I usually start working on a small interesting piece, and hopefully keep momentum going through the whole project," Curt says.

"If I can keep doing tiny interesting bits, I usually see the whole thing through."

Curt as Tonto (The Lone Ranger)
George Wong Photography

Browsing through his photos, it's clear that Curt goes to great lengths in order to bring his heroes to life. While there's no law that says you need to look exactly like your chosen character, there's nothing wrong with going that extra mile to include some of the finer details.

"Exercise is a horrible thing, but my upcoming 'secret project' does require me to lose my beer gut," Curt says.

"I'm also no stranger to body mods for cosplay. I still wear a nose ring I had punched in for a Slash (Guns 'n' Roses) cosplay back in 2008. I've dyed my hair for The Joker and, more recently, I've had Captain Jack Sparrow's signature tattoo inked permanently on my forearm."

Curt's Captain Jack Sparrow tattoo.

It seems to be a running theme lately, but everyone is being very hush hush about their upcoming projects. Curt is no exception.

"I've got one major secret cosplay in the works for Brisbane Supanova at the end of the year, and a bunch of projects in various stages of completion. I'm trying to set up a life size Darth Vader display, as well as a replica Raiders of the Lost Ark Indiana Jones costume."

As popular as he is, Curt doesn't let anything go to his head. He's always enthusiastic about helping his fellow cosplayers, and he'll happily pose for a photo or two at a con.

Just look for the guy who looks like he belongs on a film set. ;)

Featured Cosplayer: Tara Cash

My next Featured Cosplayer is someone I've only communicated with via Etsy. I'd been tossing up between building a Chandra (Magic: The Gathering) costume and a Lara Croft (Tomb Raider) costume for this year's PAX Aus. Given where I currently am with my Goa'uld costume, it's probably better that I went with Lara. I really want to do Chandra justice, and I know it's going to be a lot of work - more than I would have been capable of with two other costumes to prepare before the end of the year.

Thankfully, while searching Etsy for a replica of Lara's necklace, I came across Another Little Shop. Turns out the owner, Tara Cash, is an amazing Lara Croft cosplayer herself. I've been following her shop since late last year and I've watched her constantly add new and better items to her inventory. Being incredibly time poor, I decided to order as much as I could from her.

I assumed Tara had been cosplaying forever, but as it turns out, she only picked up the hobby a couple of years ago.

"I've always loved Halloween and emulating my favourite fictional characters, but Halloween only comes once a year," she says.

"I've never been big on the 'wear as little as possible' bar scene. I eventually discovered Renaissance festivals and then conventions as a better outlet."

Although Lara Croft is definitely her most successful cosplay, she's tackled a few other pop culture favourites.

"My first real cosplay was probably Corpse Bride during my senior year of college. I had this awesome pageant dress that only needed a little bit of altering. I made my own veil and bouquet, bought a wig and coloured my skin blue. I even entered a costume contest!"

"I think that was the same Halloween that I dressed my boyfriend (now husband) as Fry from Futurama. It was a pretty poor costume, but I have since created Futurama costumes for us both that I'm really proud of."

Tara has been featured on GeekXGirls and The Mary Sue, which would be flattering, if not for some of the snide comments that were made.





"Haters gonna hate, no matter what. I usually handle criticism very well, or can easily ignore it. But there were a couple of remarks that really got to me. They said my photos 'focused too much on T&A'. This really angered me, because I consider myself to be a pretty modest person, and that wasn't our intention in the least."

I was curious to read these comments for myself, so I searched for the articles. I've been warned in the past to 'never read the comments', but I'm a glutton for punishment.

"When you're more concerned about the bow emphasizing the line of T to A than with how a bow is actually used by a normal person who shoots with a bow... Well, you're seriously losing cred."

"Yeah, was rather turned off by the sexy poses - Laura definitely didn't give a shit about that!"

Firstly, who the hell is Laura? If you're going to criticise someone on the accuracy of their cosplay, you had better make damn sure that you have dotted every I and crossed every T. Secondly, the first comment smacks of jealousy and slut-shaming. (I should point out here that this is MY opinion and does not reflect the opinion of my Featured Cosplayer.) No one bothered to comment on the amazing prop work, or the fantastic locations used in the photo shoot.

One of the so-called 'T&A' shots
from Tara's collaboration with City Light Studios.

Tara is a little more diplomatic about the whole thing.

"I just think when it comes to cosplay, if you don't have anything positive to say, you should keep your opinions to yourself."

(Check out this YouTube video from FanService Renji. As he says, "I make cosplays for myself. As long as I'm happy with it, I don't care what I could have done better.")

At last year's DragonCon, Tara (in her Tomb Raider cosplay) and her husband (dressed as Indiana Jones) bumped into the head marketing director of Marvel.

"He's been attending cons for over twenty years. He told us it was the best Indiana Jones he's ever seen."

While Tara regrets not getting into cosplay sooner, she admits that she's learned a lot in a short space of time.

"Cosplay wasn't as mainstream when I was in high school. I sometimes imagine all the techniques I could have learned by now, but I don't let it discourage me too much."

"A year ago, I never would have thought I'd be using power tools for cosplay, let alone silicone moulds, resin castings and 3D printing."

That's me wearing Tara's distressed tank tops, necklace and watch.
I haven't had a chance to make my bow and arrows yet,
but when I do, I can show off the amazing quiver.

I'm so glad I found Tara's store on Etsy, and really happy that she jumped on board as a Featured Cosplayer. Since conducting the interview, I've received everything I ordered from her and I can honestly say that she does amazing work. I'll be proud to wear her props at PAX. I might even sneak in a photo shoot before then.

And I'll totally poke my butt out if I want to.

Goa'uld Hand Device: Update

With Comic Con fast approaching, I've had to ramp up my workload in order to finish my costume. I began working on my Ribbon Device back in April and my goal was to have it finished by the end of June. Sadly, finances and illness got in the way, and I'm still working furiously to get things done.

I spent a fair amount of time practicing engraving in order to create the pattern on the arm band. After spray painting it, however, the engraving is barely visible. To be honest, it's not a big deal, but for future versions I will be sure to create deeper lines.

Sculpting the sun piece for the bottom end of the arm band was more difficult than I anticipated. I had to enlist my partner to help. While I have no problem with organic shapes, lines and measurements are not my forte. He created a template on baking paper and we used a scalpel to cut out the shape we needed.

Thankfully, making silicone moulds is incredibly easy. I was able to purchase everything I needed from Barnes.

The first thing you need to do is assemble the mould box. Be sure to leave enough room around the object you are casting. This will ensure the object is completely covered in silicone.

Next, seal the edges with some modelling clay. This will ensure that no silicone escapes while the mould is setting.

As with most chemicals from Barnes, measure (by volume or weight) each part into separate disposable cups. Pour Part B into Part A and mix until there is no white left. You have around six minutes of working time before the silicone starts to set. I suggest mixing for no more than four minutes before pouring. That way, there will be no need to rush and cause air bubbles.

Each mould only takes about twenty minutes to set. Carefully dismantle the box to remove the mould, take the positive out and trim away any excess silicone.

As you can see from the above photo, I also sculpted a small crystal to sit on the back of the wrist. The centre of the sun piece is gold tinted resin. Unlike the red gems I created earlier this year, the gold ones contain a powdered tint. I'm still working on perfecting the amount needed.

The half spheres normally take around twenty-four hours to completely set. I removed the sun piece from its mould the following day and, to my horror, it was still pliable. Thankfully it has since hardened. The problem with resin is that the smaller the amount, the longer it takes to set.

I still have to sculpt a cradle for the tiny 'quartz' crystal. Once I've assembled the pieces, I will re-spray everything with the gold paint.

This will be my last update on the Ribbon Device until it's completed, otherwise I would just be repeating the same information. I've also purchased a pattern and fabric to create my dress. I had intended to create the Hathor Bodice but I'd rather not have to do a half-assed job. I'll definitely revisit the costume in the future though.

Living Dead Clothing: Brisbane Deadite Meet Up

Knowing that I had a big day ahead of me, I went to bed early on Saturday night. I was determined to look and feel my best when I was introduced to my fellow Deadites.

Sadly, it was not to be. Between my crippling social anxiety and the swarm of ideas for my blog/Facebook page, my brain would not shut up!

Thankfully I was able to get up early and make myself look pretty.

Leggings: Princess Deadite
Bag: Victorian Clock
Wig: Classic Wavy in Auburn

I'm so glad I made it up to Brisbane to meet everyone. The Deadites are an amazing, warm and welcoming community that I am incredibly thankful to be a part of.

After lunch (and a few freebies) we had a mini photo shoot down at the river. We'll be having a bigger one next month (after I've had time to invest in some more Sailor Scout skaters).

Special thanks to Angela for taking a few snaps of me.

Me with my long lost twin, Rhian.
Like her accessories? Contact her for a commission.

Wearing my Chibi Wonder Woman leggings.
Thanks so much for our presents LDC!